Weekend mornings

Sometimes, Ada sleeps later than Fleur on weekend mornings. Fleur will call me, so I get up with her. She plays with her Barbies.

Listening to this reveals some insights into her recent experiences. She uses it to process her thoughts about sibling, friends, cousins, teachers, and even parents.

Working through conflict is an important skill. Pretend play gives her a safe space to figure out a solution. She takes on the problem for next time.

Up until recently, she required me to participate. And told me what I had to say. It made it harder to soak in her processing.

Monkey bars

The latest obsession is doing the monkey bars. I’m glad because it means less time I am pushing her in a swing.

Before Fleur could do them herself, there was this occasional interest until a few failures. Then she wanted to do something else. She returns to it the next day or within a few days. Once she can do the thing once, she practices it more until a couple failures and moves on. When she gets to the point she can consistently do it, she just keeps doing it over and over.

The latest activity is the monkey bars. Her playground selection is around, which has GOOD monkey bars, which she can do. I also encourage her to try other ones.

Photo by Tom Fisk on Pexels.com

This may show my age, but until taking Fleur to the park, I had no concept there were DIFFERENT kinds of monkey bars. It is really kind of cool because they encourage different skills.

The mammalian brain, the outer shell of the brain where we store memories, is designed for remembering valuable locations with good food, where there is danger, and where one can socialize.

Good food and socializing are dopamine activators. Understanding we will go to a good park triggers dopamine because she’s visualizing getting to do what she wants. Understanding dopamine triggers in anticipation of a reward is vital, not on receipt. This also means loss of the dopamine trigger before receipt can be painful.

I can see the confidence on her face as she holds the bars before starting, and I know that she will get this release. I also especially love it when she hits a snag, has a concerned look, and recovers, and I see that confidence return. That’s what I parent for: her developing this confidence in doing hard things. I get a dopamine run when she corrects herself.

Yes, I helped her visualize how to do the monkey bars early on. There were a lot of failures. She’s been interested in doing them for at least two years now. So, I’m proud of her for getting to this point.

LEGO storytelling

Fleur plays with LEGOs in the way the kids in the LEGO movie do. She tells stories with the minifigs.

At this point, she only builds houses. And has one minifig plays the mom with others as kids. (See Game: Family) Basically, the same staple of stories she does with Magnetiles, Barbies, stuffed animals.

The descriptions of what the characters do are entertaining. Especially the crazy features of the house are about the needs of the family.

TED Talks on play

I strongly believe in the importance of play.

In this talk, Dr. Peter Gray compellingly brings attention to the reality that over the past 60 years in the United States there has been a gradual but, overall dramatic decline in children’s freedom to play with other children, without adult direction. Over this same period, there has been a gradual but overall dramatic increase in anxiety, depression, feelings of helplessness, suicide, and narcissism in children and adolescents. Based on his own and others’ research, Dr. Gray documents why free play is essential for children’s healthy social and emotional development and outlines steps through which we can bring free play back to children’s lives.

The decline of play | Peter Gray | TEDxNavesink

The No Child Left Behind Act resulted in less play and more academics. The students educated under this are adults now. And suffered because of the lack of understanding around the importance of play. Sadly, we haven’t pushed to restore it.



And this one got me into TED Talks:

Disney-fication: Annotation of life through song

For years now, Fleur has loved certain Disney movies. One common characteristic is this breaking out into song.

The song serves a purpose: explanation of the situation to carry the story. The protagonists have a need and express it through song.

The other day, Fleur started singing. Not one of the songs from a movie. Something made up about what she was doing.

So better than the movie.

Pretend mental gymnastics

Playing pretend is so convoluted.

Working in information technology, I deal with contingency and complexity. Nested if conditionals and then outcomes.

In preschool play, things are far more fluid. The world building is intricately complex and mysterious. I ask a lot of questions meriting, “are you not paying attention,” responses. There seems to borrow from real life, fandoms, and random tangents.

For instance, the current game:

  • Fleur is Elsa. I am Anna. From Frozen.
  • Olaf and Sven are dead because a dinosaur stepped on them.
  • Various dolls are our kids. (A girl, a cow, a rabbit, and a lamb.)
  • We flew on a plane to Costa Rica. This came from asking if her teacher told her about her trip there.

From the outside, IT probably looks this arbitrary and eclectic. But, I promise we know what we are doing.

Pillars to enhance play

From the Good News Network, “Science-Backed Tips for Maximizing Play Time With Kids“. Thankfully, I do try to incorporate all of these when playing with Fleur.

Photo by Mr. Beanbum on Pexels.com

Pillar One: Active

Stay “active” as you play and interact with your child, for example, by incorporating literary and STEM elements into your speech and interactions.

Zosh said this could mean counting the apples out loud as you put them in your basket at the grocery store or asking your child what letter each block starts with as you build a tower. She also said asking lots of questions — such as “What would happen if we mixed these blue and yellow paints together?” or “What might happen if we stack the red square block on top of the yellow triangle block?” — can be helpful, as well.

Pillar Two: Engaged

“Try to limit distractions as much as possible, including background television and your own smartphone use,” Hassinger-Das said. “These types of distractions are sometimes unavoidable, but they do have the potential to take away from these high-quality times with your child. Focusing and staying engaged during play can help you make the most of these interactions.”

Pillar Three: Meaningful

Try building on topics the child is already interested in during play. If they like dinosaurs, you could suggest a make-believe scenario where you dig for dinosaur fossils at the playground. Or, you can integrate information about dinosaurs like counting how many bones they have and what they ate.

“If you are reading a book set in a different state, get out a globe or a map app and explore where the state is and how the weather there is different from where you live,” Zosh said. “Helping children build connections helps them weave together a rich world of understanding.”

Pillar Four: Socially interactive

The researchers advised letting your child lead in play time while you offer support along the way. For example, let your child decide what to build with blocks while asking questions like, “What would happen if you placed that block in a different direction?” or “How many more blocks do you think it would take to build a tower as tall as you?”

Pillar Five: Iterative

Children are naturally scientific thinkers — they like to experiment, see what happens, and try again and again until something works. The researchers advised giving your children opportunities to guess what will happen, conduct “experiments,” make up new words to favorite songs, and make mistakes. Every mistake leads to learning.

Pillar Six: Joyful

Finally, making playtime joyful can be done in many ways, including incorporating elements of surprise.

“Playing with shadows and asking which one is bigger or how you can make your shadow grow or shrink is one way to foster surprise and joy,” Hassinger-Das said. “Similarly, think about what helps your child connect with whatever brings them joy, from construction with a cardboard box to playing vet with their stuffed animals.”

Fantasy-based pretend play

“Viking – Shield Maiden” by Danielle Pioli is licensed under CC BY-NC 4.0

From an article…

The study involved daily 15-minute play sessions across five weeks, in which a research assistant led 39 children aged three to five through a fantastical script, such as going to the moon. After the five week period, the pretend play kids showed greater gains in their ability to memorise lists of digits (a classic test of working memory, itself a core component of executive function) as compared with 32 age-matched children in a standard play condition, who spent their sessions singing songs and passing a ball around a circle.

The pretend play group also showed a bigger improvement on an executive function attention-shift task, which involved switching from sorting blocks by colour to shape. This result squeaked through thanks to the standard-play group’s scores actually creeping down over time as the pretend group scores crept up, but note that on its own terms, the pre-to-post change in pretend group performance wasn’t itself statistically significant. On a third executive function measure – “inhibition of responses” (children had to follow a tricky instruction to label a nighttime scene as day, and a daytime scene as night) – there was no effect of the pretend play.

Fantasy-based pretend play is beneficial to children’s mental abilities. Research Digest, the British Psychological Society

I am enjoying this playful period where Fleur tells me stories. Getting more into this kind of play excites me. It is what I remember doing a lot of as a child. And even as a teenager, I played a lot of Dungeons & Dragons, even being a Dungeon Master most of the time for one group of friends.

Careful

Fleur is the adventurous type. She enjoys climbing, jumping, and scary situations.

For the most part, I have always encouraged her to push her boundaries within what I consider acceptable. Climb higher. Climb the arch ladder while holding her hips the first time but let her do it on her own subsequent ones. Jump off the 5 foot wall the 5 foot distance to catch her a couple feet off the ground. Throw her up into the air.

Photo by Alexandr Podvalny on Pexels.com

Momma cannot watch some of these antics. Mostly because her baby is in danger.

If I thought Fleur was really in danger, then I would encourage her to do something else. There is a risk. Throwing her up into the air means I could miss the catch. I am cognizant of the risk, but I accept it on our behalf.

The smile she has when successful is infectious. I hope evolutionary biology isn’t tricking me into letting her into unnecessary danger. It is a reward for me to see her happiness about having done the dangerous thing.

On the other hand, this confidence building feels very necessary. At the park, she was hesitant about the arch ladder. Protecting her the first time let her see it was possible. It expanded her worldview. She did it a dozen more climbs on her own. Because… she knew she could. I want her to feel like she can do anything.

This elephant parenting isn’t for the faint of heart.

Another thing is my language has changed over the past month or so. Instead of saying “be careful” so much, I am trying to get better about specifics. When she is walking on a curb, I will ask, “Do you feel stable?” Or when she is running, “Are you going the speed where you tend to trip?” or “Are there [roots or mud] for you to fall on?” The idea is to get her to consider the situation.

Potential vs kinetic energy

As the swing reaches its highest point it has all potential energy. When it reaches the lowest, it is all kinetic energy. As it moves up, the pull of gravity changes the kinetic into potential.

Fleur is full of potential energy. She breaks into converting it into kinetic energy at a whim. Usually it is predictable:

  • To get the cat
  • To go play on the playset
  • To pet a dog
  • To be chased
  • To get into the street

Tonight she caught me by surprise. After bath, she wanted to read the Pout-Pout Fish. And right before the kissy part she leaves the room and tells me to get up. I try to finish, but she is insistent. So, I do and she takes off. It was her favorite route in a circle.